Scar

It hasnt really been better for all these while.
Concealing the true self within the skin is a total paranoid.
Making myself busy isnt working.
Everynight my arms would shiver in coldness.
Everynight, without fail.
Feels like the arms has been missing something for so long.
Something that wouldn't ever return.
Lately it's getting worse when i realised that the feelings had never go away.
Am pondering when is the worst to come.
They say it's memories, i say it's nightmare.

People like me are needy, desperately clinging onto life, desperately needing a new life.
I let few new people into my life, hoping to turn things around.
I thought i would try to love someone else to black out the past.
Few good friends pushed me to have a go.
And just the moment i felt everything was so fake.
I feel like a sicko.
I feel like a desperado.
I feel like an idiot.
I feel like giving up and screw everything else.

I miss every single thing in the past.
I miss every single moment spend.
I miss every single piece of music played.
I miss every single warmth and care.
I miss every single road taken.
I miss every single laugh and tears.
I miss every single word.
I just couldn't shake it off me.

I don't know what kind of help im needing.
Even if the past has all come back into present, it still doesnt make it right.
The pain wouldn't go away.
The scar is still there.
The wound just won't heal.
Underneath the scar, it's still bleeding.
Im all black and blue, im all beaten up.
Im just so screwed.

It's just so funny that this is the first time im writing these here.
I can't find another hole in any ground to hide my head.
When will the hell that this is going to end?
Help me, please.